Choosing a Life Partner

Today, divorce rates are increasing day by day though it is not or part of our culture. Instead of breaking a bond [marriage] let us try to identify some steps before the bond is made.

During a marriage proposal, most of our groom's family members look into...

Early days  : Good Family background [means has good reputation in the society], Beauty, Wealth & Character

Present days : Well educated,  Wealth or Working girl, Beauty, Good Family background [means has good reputation in the society] & Character

Compare to early day system and present day system, only two parameters have been added extra [education & working bride] and some have moved places due to economic conditions & generation gaps but the consequences of it is so high the system is slowly coming to a halt.

Education & work gives the individual a recognition of his/her ability in an organisation or work, however the same is reflected in a family or a bond, which increases this rate without understanding each other after making a bond due to the above factors.

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love" or 'Our horoscope matched' or 'It is arranged marriage'; I believe this is the 1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love or by astrology or by society. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION-1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart.

To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION-2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION-3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION-4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION-5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.

The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective...

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults isn’t really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty;

and pain will replace.

In short,

the likes, dislikes, dreams, goals, intimacy, communication of the person should ALSO be considered and discussed by each other before going in for a bond apart from the usual list of education, Character, Beauty, Good Family background [means has good reputation in the society] & wealth or working girl.


Edited & Customised from a forward of 'Golden rules for finding your life partner' by Dov Heller, M.A.

Credit Cards

Every finance needs to be planned, whether it is going to be involved in certain or uncertain times. 

Why I am saying that finance needs to be planned is, if  you spend without planning, then you will end up in debt.

Certainty is like buying a house, car, mobile phone etc....

Uncertain is like injury, accidents, loss of life etc...

Some can be avoided and some can't.

Credit card is one such tool, if used properly, it does wonders else you will end in debt.

This tool also helps us to manage our own economy. When I mean 'our own economy' it means, the way we buy things, make our payments and ways or channels involved for this payments & credits, transforms as a data feed for our economy in which we live in.

By default, credit card has many advantages, however many don't understand it and for them it becomes a nightmare.

Advantages of having a Credit Card

+ 30 - 60 days of credit period

+ Low interest rates or Interest free periods

+ Reward Points

+ Discounts

+ Balance Transfers 

Other factors, that actually work behind are...

+ your purchases becomes legal compared to cash, as your merchant, your credit card provider, payment gateway, merchant's bank are involved in processing this payment.

Purchasing any item using your Debit Card or Credit Card provided by your bank has the same advantage, however credit card gives some time to pay-back, where as  when you use a debit card, the money is removed immediately.

When to use credit cards

1. Buying items which are affordable by you.

2. Buying things, which you can pay immediately using your debit card also.

3. In case of emergency or medical requirements during uncertain times

How to use credit cards

Stated earlier, every thing is planned. So, when you are using your credit card, you should plan before using it, else it uses you.

1. Always buy anything immediately after the statement date ONLY, to get the maximum credit period.

2. Use the credit card, which gives you the either of these for your purchases

+ Cash Back

+ Double Reward Points

+ Interest free periods

+ Low Interest Conversion EMI's

+ Flat % Discounts at certain places

What type of credit cards, can be subscribed?

When buying any financial product, never go with the leader however follow the leader constantly. 

The reason is, the leader sets rules, however the contender always tries to defy them and create new ones.

The pressure will be always there with the leader to be in the lead, where as the contender wants to emerge as a leader, so they give 200%.

Most of the market trends are identified or defined by the leader, where as the contender easily taps the market without much issues, because the concept is already familiarized by the leader in that segment.

Why I am stating all this is...VISA card , MASTERCARD and AMEX cards have different set of benefits. So, do compare them before subscribing. 

It does not depend only on these, it also depends upon the bank from which you are getting the card. Emerging banks will always introduce schemes to attract customers. Ensure that you subscribe and utilize those benefits.

Happy credit free days ahead...

First Step towards your dream

In my earlier blogs, you would have understood the need of investments or saving, so that your finance is streamlined based on the type of spenders you are.

Today, I will give you a guideline that will help you to decide the type of investment; you can plan, so that your investment /savings grows with your age & career expands, as you near your dream / target that are achievable and becomes more realistic.

My understanding, further to this recommendation is that, you know the difference between debt & equities. If not, just get the basics on this by earlier blog on Equities & Debt investment type, before you read further down.

If you ask any financial expert, the best age to start your investments or savings is as early as possible.

Especially, in India, during the early 90's and 00's the average age to have a proper / regular job was at 31 and 28 years respectively, if you have completed your graduation in first class. Now, because of economic conditions and to improve profitability by global companies, they started outsourcing to large extend. Due to this job opportunities have increased especially in India and the average employable age has come down to 26 years [without depending parents for monthly expenses], where in the governments contributing majorly by policy changes and awareness creation, making us more educative & employable.

Saying this, I am just giving an idea, what will your time to start your investment and not starting a debate on the age or economic values. The labour force in India is still way behind China, however in one way, we are far ahead as per Deutsche Bank Research report. This report clearly suggests that, the potential is there in India and not elsewhere to be the workforce for the World, intellectually.

If we need to make India super power of tomorrow, then you as an Investor or Indian should start growing with your economic conditions. This means, when you participate in investing in Indian ideas that will guide or groom the World ex: Hotmail, Infosys, Reliance, Tata, United Breweries, Bharti and ICICI, then only these are achievable. I have listed the versatility in Indian industry, which have gone globally and succeeded.

A single tree can't become forest, however seeds from the tree, can become a forest in the later stage. If everybody starts investing in good ideas and good management companies, then we can do more than what others have done till date.

Typical Indian investment mindset is either Safe Investment or High Profit. When you want to succeed or your investment has to grow, you need to think of average safety and average profit, which makes you more reliable and avoids you from falling to traps or economic downsides, literally.

Income you earn by your work or employment is as active investment of yourself, which gives you a passive component called money. However if the same is idle or spend on unwanted things, then the purpose of your ability vanishes.

Make your passive component, work for you actively, without much hassle.

Any age to start investment is right. Don't get worried, since the other person has started early or he is earning higher at less age. All these are economic changes, so everyone is bound to rely on that and you need to understand it.

Typically diversify the investment into [recommending for an average Indian mindset]

Your Monthly Savings = [(Your Age + 20) % = Debt funds] + [Equities]

Scenario 1  Age: 25. Savings is Rs 30000 per month = [(25+20) %= Rs 13500] + 16500
Scenario 2  Age: 30 Savings is Rs 15000 per month = [(30+20) %= Rs 7500] + 7500
Scenario 3  Age: 35 Savings is 45000 per month = [(35+20) %= Rs 25000] + 20000

Debt returns varies from 3 % to 8 %.
Equity returns varies from -30% to +25%.

Sometimes the returns might be higher or lower due to various factors like type of investment, investment horizon, economic conditions etc...However I am trying to ensure that you keep only this average in mind, and follow the investment guidelines properly.

I have kept the average return of 15 to 20% achievable, keeping my basic investment formula and following this on regular basis.

• Saving & investing on MONTHLY basis ONLY
  
• NEVER investing in assets that have HIGH DEPRECIATION value at ONE GO.
  
  • Flat [not house], Car, Electronic items [TV, Mobile phones, Computers, Branded & Luxury items]
    
  • Equity Investment [might give good return, if the economy goes upside, however there is 'if' condition]
    
• ONE GO investments due to cultural barriers & personal needs, which cleans your savings or makes your to achieve your target
  
  • Gold, House, Flat for additional income [ investing due to rental factors]
    
• Investment Timeline – 1 to 5 years.
  
  • Every 1 year, you need to re-check your investment performance and change, if it does not work as expected.
    
• REDUCING YOUR EMI TENURE, where ever possible.
  
  • Typically, for Housing loan, an average person take 20 to 25 years. Instead take 10 or 15 years. Less Interest, your savings or earnings are converted into values or targets.
    
  • Typically for Personal loan, an average person takes 4 or 5 years. Instead take 2 or 3 years.
    
• Credit card purchases – Many try to convert to EMI. NEVER DO THAT.
  
• NEVER compare EQUITY returns Vs DEBT returns. Always sum both the returns, and calculate based on your principal invested.

Prepare Rice using Microwave

Now based on my earlier blog on Microwave Cooking, you would have felt that, this is something new or probably we can buy or make use of Microwave in a better way!

Usually there are two ways of preparing rice...

Traditional way of putting the rice in boiling water and filtering the starch.
Conventional way : putting the rice + water in the pressure cooker and waiting for two to three whistles.

Traditional way of preparing rice :
+ Starch is removed, so the rice is not smoggy
+ - the rice stays good for 4 to 6 hours [shelf life], depending upon the climate
- you need to very careful in this preparation. If the rice is over boiled, then it becomes sticky.
- risk involved, to filter the starch from the rice

Conventional way of preparing rice by pressure cooker:
+ You get the benefit of essentials from the starch, so that food taste improves
+ rice stays good for long hours
+ no risk [as water & rice mix together]
- rice turns brittle after 3 to 4 hours
- eating pressure cooker rice, you will get belly as the gas in the rice are still there and this increases the size of our stomach. This is long term effect, it will take 3 to 5 years to see the person having belly who is eating pressure cooker rice on a daily basis.

Preparing rice using Microwave, mixes both these factors, and you get a product that are good for health with ease.

How to prepare rice using microwave?

1. Take the quantity required. say 1 cup of rice.
2. Put it in bowl and wash it 2 to 3 times, until the dust or the rice mill extracts come out.
3. Now soak the rice by pouring water in the bowl that has rice. Ensure that water level is higher that the rice level.
4. Wait for 5 to 10 minutes [max]
5. Drain the water and pour fresh water [2 x Cup] in the rice or the water level should be 1 inch above the rice level.
6. Close the Lid
7. Keep it in Microwave Oven for 17 to 18 minutes [max].

When you open the oven, you find little amount of starch is spread in the microwave glass. Don't worry. Remove the bowl and open the lid. You will find the rice, that is very nicely prepared.

Remove the microwave glass and clean it, so that your Microwave is ready for next cooking.

NOTE: In case you have poured less water, and find that the rice is still not boiled properly, pour some amount of water again and keep it for 5 minutes. Rice is ready.

Some doubts will come like this?
Will the little amount of starch spread in the microwave glass, will come every time we prepare rice or rice items?
My answer is Yes & No.

It will come only, if you prepare only plain rice.
It will NOT come, if you mix some items or ingredients with rice like Tomoto Rice, Pongal, Veg Briyani or Non-Veg Briyani, as the ingredients consume those, so you get a clean outcome.

Follow the tips & prepare your rice and let me know the feedback.

Financial Goals

When we talk about financial goals, most of them are not sure or it is decided on circumstance.

To have a better understanding for the need of this, you need to understand what you target for. It has to be done through planned manner.

Remember 'ROME was not BUILT in a day'.

To achieve your financial goals, it might take 5 to 20 years, unless we have spare or free money due to some wealth left by our forefathers, which is not going to happen.

In Simple terms, get your finance streamlined.

• Calculate the current total debts or liabilities, if you have any.
  
• Plan, what you need to buy so that you have a target for your finance.
  

The Basic step of achieving financial goal is by setting up the foundation even before the plan in started.

1. Get one Insurance Policy
   

• Preferably a Term Insurance for [ YourDream x 2 ] ex: If you are planning to buy a house for 25L or your liabilities is 25L, then your term insurance value should be 50L
  
• Other than Term Insurance, I will NOT recommend any other Insurance policy as their value or factors are nil and you get a mere 4 to 5% or less return at the end of its tenure.
  
• Personally I will NOT recommend ULIP based Insurance, as the basic idea of cover during crisis is lost here.
  

1. Get an Health care or Medical Policy
   

• Since most of them are covered under corporate level schemes, it might not be necessary however
  
• Have one additional in hand, it will be useful when we retire to take care of ourselves as that time, the policy cost will be very high or most of them don't allow subscribing / opening new policy after certain age limit.
  

Once you are covered financially & health wise, you need to plan your finance systematically. I have divided that into certain parts, so that you can understand them.

PART A

The first & foremost is close all your existing loans or debts like credit card, personal loan etc..

• If you unable to close them. Convert them in low-interest loans.
  
• If you have a credit card loan
  • By taking a loan from a friend or relative
    
  • Or by opting for Balance Transfers
    
  • Or by taking a Personal Loan
    
• Stop using credit cards, if you are unable to control using it or if you have urge of shopping always.
  

PART B

Once you are out of debts, now it is time to build wealth. Before building wealth, you need plan for the target or what you need to have. It can be anything but remember be realistic or that can be achievable.

Some of the wealth options are

1. Real Estate [House/Flat/Land/Property/Bungalow/Designer houses]
   
2. Jewels / Diamonds
   
3. Four Wheeler / Two Wheelers
   
4. Foreign Holiday Trip
   
5. Child's Education
   
6. Child's Marriage
   
7. To start a business of your own
   
8. Medical Emergencies, if any.
   

PART C

Now you have the target in your mind, so you need to work towards it. Money or wealth can be built in…

In Debt market

In Equity market

What is debt market?

In layman approach: Any investment or savings, which does not change or erode the principle, is called debt market. The outcome is static.

Ex: Government bonds, Savings Account, Fixed Deposits, Real Estate*, Gold*, Jewels*, Diamonds

What is equity market?

In layman approach: Any investment or savings, which increases or decreases the principle drastically, is called Equity market. The outcome is dynamic.

Ex: Real Estate*, Chit funds, Mutual Funds, Share market, Gold* etc...

To understand why you should invest or start saving money…read my earlier blog 'Investment in nutshell'

NOTE: * - Some investment like Real Estate & Gold are both in Debt & Equity. I will tell you...why I have mentioned like that.


For detailed type of recommended investment, I will do inform you in my next blog.


Until then, happy reading.